Matthew’s Mallory March

Mallory Park - 9 September 2001

Twenty drivers and their entourage arrived at an autumnal Mallory for the penultimate round of the MMCC with a number of class championships already settled and others hanging in the balance. Our as yet uncrowned championship winner of 2001, James Paterson, was looking particularly relaxed and receiving congratulations as a welcome diversion from harvesting.

Scrutineering passed relatively painlessly for most, but involved Chas in a return visit to his garage to fetch a replacement battery for the repaired orange car of Simon McDermott when the beast refused to move from the trailer to attend an appointment with said scrutineer. Fortunately a transplant battery from a friendly Aston was located by James and affixed to no.6 in time for scrutineering before Chas’ return. Your scribe is not altogether sure which battery was actually used for practice and racing but as the car was moving it was obviously the correct choice.

Keith took his customary place at the head of the qualifying queue and roared out to practice followed by Peter H and Matthew. Your scribe was somewhat surprised therefore when less than a minute later Peter came roaring past the pit wall completely alone. Before too many of Keith’s previous exploits at Mallory formed in her mind the reassuring sight and sound of two class A engines came charging down the pit straight. Certain competitors from the previous session, the TR Register, had kindly left a large amount of oil at the apex of the infamous hairpin known not as Gann’s Gates but rather Shaws Corner, and Keith had half spun there. While he was still recovering himself, Peter whipped past, but when Keith glimpsed Matthew’s all too familiar red car coming up the hill he speedily regained the still empty track and the two continued on their way passing Ahlers’ Elbow at considerable speed. Needless to say, Peter’s prime position was not held for long.

Unfortunately, the oily track caused problems for everybody and, although the flags were waved, no sand was applied so times were subsequently thought to be slow. Chris A, Simon McD,and Andy G had problems with their brakes. Phil H wasn’t consistently running on 8 cylinders, Simon OG had trouble moving his right leg from accelerator to brake, as he was nursing a tennis injury. According to Paul B, this was a good ploy on Simon’s part as he easily caught up with Paul, who was then unable to shake Simon off. Simon managed to put in a storming time ahead of six class B cars finding himself sixth on the grid behind Peter H who was in turn behind James.

Both Bellingers were out and, in their quest to out-qualify one another, momentarily squashed Philip McK in a Bellinger sandwich at the hairpin while he was avoiding the oil. Jack had already lost his radiator grill on the motorway where it had later been flattened by the Brands Hatch lorry driven by Rick, so, as Jack was reluctant to put any more business Bourne’s way, he was more cautious than he might have been in the race and Phil slipped away, or was left behind uneaten.

Alan became the serious loser in the oil stakes when he tried to give the slick a wide berth but instead gave himself, Sarge and Stephen a hairy moment or two. As Alan tried to miss the oil he clipped a nearside wheel which threatened to send him into a spin, but which he managed to catch and turn into a “spectacular slide on two wheels across the track” (eye witness report). Alan wisely returned to the pits but went out again to complete a final lap hoping that the damage was only minimal. A paddock inspection diagnosed a suspected bent kingpin so all further thoughts of racing were scuppered.

The eagerly awaited qualifying times gave pole to Keith with Matthew about half a second slower in second place. Simon McD in third and James (class C) who appeared to either be completely knackering his car or to be using some previously unheard of magic formula in his tank or under the bonnet was 4th. Peter H was 5th and Chris A in 7th with Simon OG (also C) separating the two rivals for the class B championship in 6th. Jack 15th(class D) was a second ahead of Kelvin who was in turn 4 places ahead of Mary. Stephen W’s disappointment in qualifying in over a minute and last, was tempered by the realisation that with Alan out he could win the class E cup and gain fastest lap by just finishing.

As usual there were hours of time between qualifying and racing in which to catch up with one another, eat, watch some racing or just sleep. All too soon it seemed the lads, and lass, were once more waiting in the assembly area for their 15 minutes of fame. They waited and waited and waited as the marshals did a lengthy clearing up operation after their TR friends of the morning, who had deposited yet more oil and bent bits of their cars in difficult-to-remove places. The delay proved a godsend to Philip McK, who lost his gearstick just as he was about to set off to the assembly area, as it allowed Brett time to fashion a new one out of tyre wire. Rick is not taking orders for this particular model yet as although Phil took part in the proceedings he was unable to select either 1st or 4th, starting in 2nd and then using either 2nd or third thereafter.

Stephen (I’m on for another tankard) Wheatley found that his car wouldn’t start from the line and was pushed in front of the control tower by some helpful marshals where it then proceeded to start, so was advised to reverse into the pit lane. Reversing in helmet and harness is a tricky thing to do at the best of times but this particular manoevre was accomplished in spectacular style. It was assisted by some careless Aston Martin Vantage owner who had abandoned his rather shiny car in the pit lane after using it as a course vehicle. The hapless Stephen backed comprehensively into the Vantage and then claimed that his gear box locked up as it tried to go into 1st and reverse simultaneously. At this point the class E contender, wisely withdrew from the race and alas the tankard was never to be seen again.

At the starting grid the lights changed and the class A boys all paused until the sound of those behind starting to move rapidly forward woke them up and Keith lept into the lead followed by Matthew and Peter H (class B). Simon OG had a storming start and found himself in a three-some between Simon McD (now awake) and James as they approached Gerard’s. Here the body-guards each moved in on their charge to give him a reassuring squeeze and leave a painty kiss on each of his wings as they bade him goodbye.

Paul C, who had also made a flying start passing both Andy and Paul B, tucked in behind Simon to provide some company as the other two departed into the distance. Paul C ‘s start was probably so good as he was dwelling on the fact that he is to miss the final race of the season. Sharon says they are getting married on the same day as the Bentley Drivers Club meeting (Martin K is giving her away and Phil G is best man), so he was doing two starts in one to make up for the disappointment. Jack too made a good start leaving Kelvin, Mary and more importantly Billy, behind. Everybody else reported that their starts were bad, so it looks like the overcrowded grid at Silverstone will be the perfect opportunity for regular drivers to improve their technique before next season. At the front Matthew was hassling Keith as they ended the first lap followed by Peter H and Simon McD. Matthew took his chance at the Esses on the second lap overtaking Keith on the inside. Our seasoned race winner then hounded Matthew for the rest of the race but was unable to find anywhere to pass the determined Matthew who obviously made his car as wide as possible. Towards the end of the race Matthew did think that it was all over when a class D car held his line and Keith was looming in Matthew’s mirrors. Fortunately for Matthew, and probably the class D driver, he managed to hold his place.

Simon McD was waved on by Peter H on lap two and then waited patiently for the other two members of his class to take one another off or spin, but as it was not they who were intent on such manoeuvres, Simon just contented himself with a working car in a a rather lonely race. James, in his turbo, took Peter H on the fourth lap as he went wide into the hairpin to stay in fourth place for the remainder of the race. That left the two contenders for class B overall winner, one behind the other but with a satisfactory gap between the two as far as Peter H was concerned. This state of affairs continued lap after lap until the twelfth lap when Peter decided to see what it would be like going into Gerard’s by changing from 4th to 5th instead of from 4th to 3rd. Perhaps he thought this might enable him to pass James while he was at it? Unfortunately it wasn’t a wise selection and inevitably he had an off which the delighted Chris took full advantage of, making his way, despite iffy brakes, to 5th place and the class title. Peter lost six places initially, but made up a few to finish 8th behind Paul B who was in turn behind Simon OG.

Paul B, one of those with an appalling start, lost four or five places in the melee but made his way up the field by chopping Phil (H ?) off at the first corner, intimidating Paul C into giving way and amazing Andy by nipping up the inside and taking him on the grass while he was avoiding some oil at the hairpin. He met his match in Simon OG however as was unable to pass him but did have the satisfaction of finishing in front of Peter H.

Phillip McK, Sarge and Phillip H had their own class B battle lower down the field, changing places with one another and generally featuring in their own little battle with Phil H starting at the back and finishing first, Sarge maintaining the middle position and Phil McK swopping first for third. Eighteen laps proved too many for Phil H’s gear box which exploded on the line and his car joined the queue to Techniques. The final member of class B was a disappointed Billy who finished last in class and the race, but as he is the youngest competitor was probably just being polite and showing due respect.

Jack made a great start and his rival Kelvin was unable to catch up, which left Jack and Leigh to fight for 14th place all through the race. Jack held the first seven laps but eventually Leigh overtook on the eight lap and held the place for the next eleven leaving him with an enormous smile at the end of the race. Robin who brought up the rear of the field after the first lap overtook Billy, on the third lap, and then Mary on the sixth lap, a place he retained until the thirteenth lap when she retook him leaving a touch of red lipstick on his side. Mary and James also exchanged paint in an incident about which neither was willing to commit to paper.

At the end of a mammoth eighteen laps (splendidly recorded by our very own one-armed lapster, Jan), fought over fifteen minutes, Matthew took the chequered flag for the first time this season along with ‘driver of the day’, Keith second place and fastest lap, Simon McD third and James fourth, class C and fastest lap, Chris A was fifth, taking both the class B trophy and class championship, but fastest lap went to Peter H, as consolation prize maybe? (‘Nope’, Peter), Jack won class D but Kelvin was awarded fastest lap and as Stephen W managed to eliminate himself nil points were awarded to class E.

With most things now settled, let’s hope for fine weather at the rather late Bentley Drivers Club meeting when the Morgans are well represented with a huge grid. See you there hopefully as it is an impossible event to interview everyone.

Ruth Horsman