Mallory mayhem

Mallory Park - 4 Jun 2000

Despite ominous weather reports, the sky was bright as the M.M.C. drivers and supporters arrived at Mallory Park, although Sarge only just made it following a trailer tyre blow-out on the motorway and thus providing him once again with conclusive proof that he and mornings did not get on terribly well together. Everyone rolled effortlessly through scrutineering, with no evidence of the noise or drug busts previously encountered at Mallory. Paul Chauveau also arrived with moments to spare fresh from trekking in Nepal. As sherpas appeared hard to hire around Mallory at this time of the year, some of the other drivers stood in and helped to haul his car off the trailer to get him signed on and scrutineered in time for the rather early practice session.

Practice was indeed short and hectic and the entire track seemed to be full of Morgans leading to some mournful moans of too much traffic and too little use of mirrors. Jack was told by an observant official to remove or at least tape up his Buttocks and your scribe was, in the pursuit of journalistic excellence, paying particular attention to this aspect when a twitch (if not indeed a clenching) was observed as he approached the Hairpin. The reason became clear as a rather too side-on ‘Billy’ Bellinger had just discovered that his old man’s blue banger handled like a kart not only as it approached the limit but also as it went away again (rather quickly) at the bend. Most drivers passed carefully on the inside, but Jack, who was obviously paying, tentatively took the scenic route around the outside of the stranded car to check his bank balance, which fortunately remained intact. Billy patiently and correctly waited until there was space for him to move off again.

The number of people who had their (alleged) fastest lap time ruined by sightseeing at incidents was truly amazing. Rick too was probably regretting his bank balance as, following a mid-week modification to his suspension, he reported that his car handled frightfully. Chris Springall was definitely doing calculations in his head as following practice he despondently re-loaded his car and headed off to find a mechanic to sort out a probable back axle problem. In fact, all he found was an unmoving queue for the exit.

Kelvin Laidlaw entered into the spirit of things by doing some swift calculations of his own, involving the length of his car, the width of the track and whether or not he had room to spin it through 360 degrees at the hairpin without hitting anything solid and thus not damaging anything other than his ego. Fortunately he could, but it didn’t help his qualifying time and rather unnerved those following him who rapidly subtracted the width of their cars from that of the remaining track while working out the changing angle of approach as they sought to avoid him. Buttocks were noticed nervously to twitch again as the wisdom of the official’s demand became all too apparent to our heroes.

Twenty five Morgans eventually lined up for the green flag lap behind Matthew Wurr on pole with Simon ‘Orange / Blue’ McDermott alongside and Keith Ahlers breathing down his neck. James Paterson was thoroughly enjoying his place next to Ahlers while Rick Lloyd nursed his car onto the third row back alongside the proud number 1 of Peter Horsman. Paul Burry and Chris Acklam were certainly pushing these two from the fourth row. In the fifth row was Walker hoping his mechanical problems from practice were sorted Then there was Wickenden, class E, in front of everyone else in a variety of B, C, D and E class cars.

Matthew used the green flag lap to test his brakes and then they lined up to start for real and were off with a thunderous roar: Wurr in the lead towards the first corner with McDermott, Ahlers and Lloyd behind. Horsman seemed to stutter but was away and chasing after Paterson and Acklam. Imagine his pleasure as, with held breath, he rounded Chris on the outside of the Esses to retake him only to be confronted by a sea of red flags.

For suddenly it was all happening as the 9th row of the grid came towards the first corner. Jeremy Holden was really enjoying the sensation of speed as he whizzed past absolutely bucketloads of his fellow competitors on the outside of Gerards perhaps wondering to himself why they were all going rather slower than he was. The answer to this apposite question was that they were going to stay on the track and that he wasn’t, and Jeremy was drawn to the inescapable inevitability of this as his car was drawn with equal inescapable inevitability into the gravel. He undertook some necessary foreplay with some grass before sticking sideways in the gravel and then turned right over, much to the alarm of the Sarge who was passing at the time, and of Chris Dady who had to go onto the gravel to avoid him and broke his manifold in the process. Dady jumped out of his car and pulled poor Jeremy from his, and it was then that the red flags started waving and ambulances and tow trucks sped out onto the track. Eventually Chris rejoined the grid, the ambulance returned to its post and Jeremy was seen driving into the pits with a new lowline bonnet profile, mercifully unhurt other than a Harry Potter mark on his forehead. Morgans are obviously resilient, as are their drivers.

Another green flag lap followed by a thunderous roar and again it was Wurr in the lead closely followed by McD, Ahlers and Lloyd. James P. was fifth with Chris A close on his tail, benefiting from Peter H’s poor start, his newly overhauled gearbox having lost first gear in between practice and the first start. Walker, Horsman and Burry steamed behind jostling for position at every corner straight and turn refusing to stay in formation, each waiting to exploit the slightest gap.

Alan W. led the rest of the pack behind them with Simon O.G. and Jack in hot pursuit. Simon slipped past on lap three and thereafter spent a rather lonely race holding on to his place. Jack and Alan continued to battle for the rest of the race, but Jack managed to nip past at the hairpin on lap five, then Daniel Ward, who had been tagging along, took advantage of his extra power to separate them for two laps before taking Jack on lap 9 to follow in Simon’s wake for the next 9 laps leaving the sparring to numbers 17 and 51. Andy Green, who had clung to Jack’s Buttocks until lap 3, started to drop back until finally he retired on lap 6 with a blown head gasket. Philip McKelvey woke up at the start to find that ‘Mary had slipped her leash’, so in a rather unchivalrous manner he overtook again. Mary stayed a couple of paces behind and even came to heel but lacked the power to make a bid for freedom so, instead, the two duelled around the track. Billy/James Bellinger found both starts hairy, dropping back five places but managed to regain four of them by the 4th lap when he found a niche politely following Mary around until the finish. Like father, like son... John C and Kelvin L battled it out from the start, delighting the crowed by coming out of the hairpin neck and neck. Chris D celebrated his birthday by overtaking them both on lap two. He did complain to your faithful hack that number 1 squeezed him out on the hairpin, but she didn’t really believe this quite unprovoked and outrageous slur on Our Champion.

David J followed Sarge around for a few laps, until his old misfire problem played up again enabling Paul C to overtake on the track on lap 3. Your reporter recollects that Mrs James had mentioned this problem to her at the Drivers’ dinner and so things were clearly not improving on this front. Stephen Wheatley then pushed David around until lap 13 when David lost the battle to leave Stephen magnificently victorious in his 4/4.

What of the leaders? Well, the track seemed awfully crowded and small, especially when Matthew began overtaking the back markers on lap 5. He managed to find just enough space to keep ahead of Simon McD who pushed him for 12 laps until he got stuck behind some back markers and saw Keith in his mirrors and then Keith’s bumper passing followed by the rest of him. Keith then hassled Matthew who was finding cornering difficult, giving spectators a thrill with his backend at the hairpin, but to no avail as Matthew swept past the chequered flag to another victory. And the Driver of the Meeting award from Autosport.

Keith and Simon took second and third and then came a disgruntled Rick who nursed his car into fourth place. Chris Acklam took another class win to finish only hundredths of a second behind Rick and three seconds in front of James P. These latter two had battled throughout the race with James leading until lap 10 when Chris overtook. Paul B, Grahame W and Peter H streamed in after James, having had a wonderful race changing positions constantly until lap 14 when their finishing order was set and they made a final charge for the flag.

Spectators and drivers alike thoroughly enjoyed the many battles which took place at Mallory and it is off to the next meeting with all still to play for. The standard of racing has, this season, been incredibly high and safe too. It all bodes well for Castle Combe with the appetite-whetting mobile podium for the victors.

Ruth Horsman